When I was in high school I had a tiny part in the school play. It was my senior year and the play was Fiddler on the Roof. I don't think my character even had an official name, I had one line and sung and danced with the chorus.
On the night of one of the performances I became severly depressed, overwhelmed and needed to leave. My best friend said she would fill in for me, so I left and spent the rest of the night at a nearby park on the swings with a friend from another school.
The next day I was called to the headmasters office and was forced to sit through her monologue on how everyone was disappointed in me, didn't I think about how this effected the others in the play. They said I ruined it for everyone and was selfish. I was told if I wanted to stay in school I would have to apologize to everyone on stage at the school assembly.
I appologized in my own way, without their suggestions about being selfish and ruining everything. I told them I meant no harm but that it was something I did for personal reasons that were not frivilous. The students supported me and the school left me alone.
When I got home my mom asked me what happened and we started to talk about why I left. She is the ONLY person through it all that asked me "why?" instead of assuming the worst of me. I talked to her about my debilitating depression for the first time. I remember the tears in her eyes and the hurt she felt for me. She asked me if there was anything that make me happy or if I couldn't enjoy anything. I said singing was the only thing that gave me peace and made me happy.
She hugged me and said "sing forever".
my tattoo, caligraphy by Betsy Dunlap